Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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