I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
