I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
