This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Idk if I want to put a bra on
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
