I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I looked at my own cervix.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
