I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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