Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
