I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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