So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
