If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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