Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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