make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
