sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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