Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
