I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
it's great music for shaving your balls
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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