1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
