evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
