I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
