Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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