i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
