So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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