When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
