I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
