i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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