I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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