Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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