____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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