I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize