I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
