Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize