This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
