Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
