He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize