Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
