In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
