Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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