I can tuck mytits in my pants
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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