why didn't you poke me back
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
