He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
