I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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