New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
