we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
