I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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