EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize