Will you blow on my dice?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
