I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
