On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
