So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize