Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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