Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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