I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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