You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
