My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
