you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
