Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
