Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
