Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
